- Be patient. Allow them to tell you at their own pace. Let them determine what is
- Commit yourself as an ally. Let them know you are accepting.
- Don’t push. A person who is coming out may have a hard time talking about it. Don’t
force them to disclose anything.
- Keep their confidence and respect their privacy.
- Acknowledge the risk they took by coming out to you. Compliment their courage. Don’t
minimize the importance of what they did by saying, “It doesn’t matter to me.”
- Instead say, “Thank you for trusting me."
- Or say, “It doesn’t change how I feel about you,” or admit that it might change things in
- Don’t over‐react
- If you’re comfortable with it, offer a hug or some show of support.
- Ask, “Is there anything I can do for you?”
- Don’t ask: Are you hot for me? What made you do this? Who did this to you? Is it just a
phase? Aren’t you worried about AIDS? Were you molested? Does this mean you want
to be a man (said to a woman)? Does this mean you want to be a woman (said to a man)?
Feel free to download the Tips for When Someone Comes Out to You Information Handout.